my deardear sweetsecret readers…
as much as i grieves me to say this post would mark the end of this part of the journey…
it begins at http://sweetsecrets.yurx.com so yes.. i have succeed in moving what i need to move… so i move.. 
i hope you’ve enjoyed whatever i’ve written.. and this site will keep going to host my pictures (i’m evil) and a memory of course.
rest in peace, my blog.
re-link dears.. (don’t kill me k?)
i need everyone’s opinion…
i know sweetsecrets is relatively new and you guys who link me have just moved from condensedmilk to here… but i have found a webhost that would host wordpress foc (with the ability to make my own templates) so should i crave for more freedom or stick here for now…
(i can hear the cursing and swearing already…. blog-hop so many times FOR WHAT right?)
hahaa. but looking at this blog here,i long for a template that is unique… special. hahaa.
sweetsecrets is such a nice username… i would love to keep it running just because…. and it has barely brought me past anything yet… no joys.. no tears… just a very brief encounter. so HOW?
hahaa. comments welcomed… ohoh.. and the self thingajig allows for sooo many lovely looking themes even if i don’t feel like messing with php (html is sooooo out of the picture…. *pouts)
hahaa. oh wells… tell me what to do… they have sooo many more themes… hahaa
anyways, i found this on the testrun site for the blog designs… so lovely… so true.
Be A Kid Again
hahaa. then i realised, i’ve not been in the adult world very frequently these days. hahaa. been tutoring kids aged 5 to 15… wahaha… some have efficiency, some don’t. some have pride in their work, some don’t. some have what it takes to succeed in the normal society, some just have other talents. but beyond all their habits (good or bad), and their looks, all of them sparkle an innocence, and have the wide-eye wonder a lot of adults don’t have.
i love it when my p1 kid comes up to me and tell me with sooo much pride that he can now spell FISH. not a big word. in fact nothing at all compared to the many other words adults can spell. BUT what amazed me was how earnestly happy he was when he could boast to his tutor that he had conquered another word in his spelling list. The smile. innocent and sincere. and i think i can see his eyes twinkle when i tell him (as earnestly as i possibly can) that he is such a smart boy…
or when i hear a not-so-intelligent p4 boy tells me of his dreams. of one day earning enough so that his mom and babysitter would live in absolute comfort, and ultimately, he hopes, a car for them both. when i ask him about himself, he very sincerely tells me, the bus can get me home to my mom and babysitter. that’s enough. he may not score the top in class. he may struggle with long division. but beyond the grades, is a gentle soul who will come in top in at least 1 thing that most living adults today will fail: unselfishness and love.
these kids can touch me more than i can ever learn from a phd candidate at any university. i may be teaching them academia. i may have more paper qualifications than these kids. i may seem to have a brighter future. but i think they have taught me more than i can ever teach them. they have shown me that children may have less paper qualifications than we do, they may have less automony of their lives, but i think most of them somewhere do know that they are superior, in at least some ways.
and with this note, i end this post and stop procastinating and go running.
oh. and should i move? comment k?
(forenote: sorry for the lack of updates. been busy. *winks)
very often in life, a lot of things aint presented obviously.
you may be looking for the thing you really want, but when it sneaks up secretly, and obliviously, it may pass you by.
Reading “My Sunshine” by Catherine Anderson was a reminder that the best things in life come in small insignificant packages.
laughing over waking up late.
fretting over what to have for lunch
jogging and cycling with friends that understand that time is short.
chatting up with an old friend.
reminiscing old times.
i should be thankful
for i’m normal in the anatomical sense of word. i have no serious ailments that would impede me from making my dreams come true.
for the friends i have made across the world… from uk… to europe… to dubai.. to thailand… to malaysia… to singapore… and to the lands down under.
for the chances the Lord has given me to make a difference and for trusting me to do his will.
for teachers, formal and informal, who have taught me about the world around me as well as the ways to live my life.
for family, who will love me unconditionally whenever and wherever.
as for the idealism of youth… like i once commented on paul’s blog that it is like sand in your hand. the harder you try to hang on to it, the faster it falls out unto the ground. but even if you let loose, the sand will keep falling anyway, albeit slower. Until at the end (regardless of how you choose to handle it), all that is left is a few grains of sand and the memory of soft sand in your hand to remind you of the lovely feelings and the lovely memories of it all.
and yet all that is required is that memory, if you choose never to forget it, to make a difference. The wide-eye wonder may go away, but if one chooses, it can be replaced with a knowledge that our little part of the world can be better if only we chose to smile a little more, give a little more, forgive a little more, and love a little more. have a little less negative thought, get angry a little less, any generally, make a little room in our heart for a little more.
why does everything has to be fair? everyone has their little injustice once in a while. but it also means that God will favour us that once in a while too. maybe we need it more than when when we were on the wrong side of the bias scale. sometimes, we just need to be reflective about it. so next time you feel that you’re on the wrong and unfair end of a scale, just remember that whatever that was taken away wasn’t really necessary (perhaps sometimes relative to the person on the other end of the scale) and once day, when you’re on the right end of the scale, be thankful to God that the world was created unfairly.
parting with friends is a weird feeling. uni is going to a very interesting and eye-opening experience. but to have to leave behind people who already know you, who have already accepted your quirks and your bad habits. inertia makes it hard to leave all these people behind and begin a whole new life. be it tasmania, edinburgh, melbourne, or sydney, i will have to face a sea of unfamiliar faces and a new mask to wear. but the saddest part right now, i guess, is to have to go through all that ALONE. beeing forced to leave behind friends i have over time, learnt to rely on in times of fun and in times of tears. THEY HAVE BEEN THERE. who knows if i’ll find someone who will go crazy with me 1 day b4 exams. if i’ll find someone to whine with and know that all i needed was a listening ear not a bunch a cliche advise. if i’ll find a bunch of people who will find watching movies with me enjoyable because i can’t help but do a running commentary of the show. if i’ll find someone who i could share stories of events gone by and laugh about it together. WHO KNOWS? but i do know that God has everything planned. but Faith is knowing what you want, and believing in what you can’t see.
but then again, it’s also lovely. cos it means i get to start on a clean tab. no more daunting histories of decisions gone wrong. it means new dreams, new goals, new life. while balancing the old one all the same. so yeah.
hahaa. yeah. epiphany in it all…
oohh! border’s having a fiction book sales! go all of yoU! 4 books for the price of 3!!! approx 25% off if you buy a similar priced book! gogogogo! and they have rows and rows and more rows of collection of lovely books. bought 4 today. will post book reviews in due time.
hahaa. had a lot of singful induldgences in sg. hahahaaa
-love.
this is just a note to say that there will be a section of my blog labelled topsecret (categorized topsecret as well) that will not be accessable to most (if not all) of the world.
it includes a lot of my very very personal issues and struggles about ethical issues or it’s simply to vent a little anger. so ask for the password if you want, but i’ll only pass it on to those who i think i want them to read my personal thoughts. God, of course, already knows what i write and if needbe, the password to my own little pensive. (isn’t it a pretty interesting idea if God actually surfs the net… what will he find mans)
so yes. i mean no harm, and i bear no ill-feelings. but each to their own. i know i know. the cynical of you guys will ask why i blog these stuff if no one’s gonna ever read it. i guess it’s because typing is faster than writing and it therefore can capture my thoughts more accurately (my thoughts are extremely fleeting) and i feel more comfortable typing into just 1 journal. (it’s tough keeping 2).
i guess i don’t really need to justify the new post categories, but i just wanted to let those who already have the password know that the password for the remaining of the protected entries remain unchanged. and to let you guys know, i guess, that life will go on as usual on sweetsecrets.
yupp… take care my lovely friends.
i should be in dreamland like the rest of the people now.
(edit: 24/07/06, i will be making that part of my blog private permanently. yupp. so no access to all. *muchlove.)
heehee.
i love movie clique. because we are always so spontaneous. can never plan anything long term but when a good suggestion comes along, we jump into it head first. hahaa. hl’s sleepover at vh. and gel’s coming to thailand tomm! : DDDDDD
hahaa. i’m a happy girl. anyways, the orphange wants me to teach chinese at night. hahaa. i guess i shouldn’t complain. it’s God’s work i’m doing. yupp. looking at waijia’s blog, what i seem to be doing with my life is really minimial. yupp… hahaa.
in this thought, i wish i had the courage to do more. i wish there wasn’t so many beauracies in my life: parents, conservative relatives, _itchy people who just set the walls so high and wide, i can not seem to penatrate.
i had a dream last night. this lady in white came to tell me to choose tasmania. but i haven’t even gotten my reply yet. does this mean that God has spoken? time has revealed what is right for me? this is where i guess faith comes in.believing what you have not seen. Jn 20: 29 “How happy are those who believe without seeing me!”
Acts 4: 29 – 30:
“And now, Lord, take notice of the threats they have made, and allow us, your servants, to speak your message with all boldness. Reach out your hand to heal, and grant that wonders and miracles may be performed through the name your holy Servant Jesus.”
yupp.oh. i seem to take after my mum more than ilike.the only thing that i did not take after her is yer single-minded determination (which by the way, is meant as a good thing) so i took after her conservative, hot-tempered, self-centred, world-critical personality (ironically, i realise is all things bad) and her low EQ
hahaa. blog surfing. hearing stories about people’s laugh, people’s tears. is this the reason YOU come to my blog? or do you come because you absolutely LOVE the way i write (ya right…. heyy. it rhymes) hahaa… i guess a blog is an easy way for ME to pen down my thoughts and my life. so yeah. 
whoever you are, a blessing is in order.
thankyou for visiting this blog,
taking time to listen to my boring self-centred rants about myself and my life.
for commenting (those who do) so that i know i’m loved.
God bless and guide you, through your days.
it may not always be simple
it may not always be easy,
but life is meant to be a roller coaster ride.
and one day, when you look back,
you’ll smile beacause… ….
you rode part of the ride with me. (lame right? hahaa)
but more importantly, because you took every turn you took
you chose the path you chose
because it wouldn’t be YOUR life if not for every turn and every path.
so ilu. and keep in touch
the lady in white told me to follow my heart.
It seems such an enigmatic year, it’s hard to grasp. Teetering on teenage years and adulthood/womanhood, it seems such a decisive year. And indeed it has been, even though it’s only 1/2 the year gone. Which actually, is a long time. See? Time flies, no one knows where it goes. It passes you by, you can’t catch hold of its tail and pull it back again.
Am I old or am I young? I want to cling on to my 19th year, I don’t want to release it to this creature named Time, I don’t want it to be snatched away, never to return. I want to retain this naiveness my age permits, the prime of a lady, a flower in bloom. And yet, it slips out of my hold like a slippery fish, unable to be held on to.
It’s an inevitable growing up, now matter how much your reluctance provides friction to it. It makes no difference. You grow. I’m scared. I’m scared of growing old, of not having cherished the years that have gone far behind, on a road of no return, where the only way is forward. And yet, I don’t want to stay in this pitstop on this road, never to experience the glories ahead.
I know many things lie in store. As with Joy’s blog, I have many dreams. Dreams yet to be realized. Part of me wants them to remain dreams, at least they will still exist. I’m afraid of reality snatching some dreams away, where they vanish into the night sky, up and away beyond my hold. I can only watch them float away like a balloon released from a master’s hands, where it flies away, smaller and smaller into the distance.
I still feel uncertain. I feel many things are going to happen to me, many decisive events, around which the river of my life meanders. I stand here thus, on the edge of 19 years almost gone, my growing years almost completed, and of this new stage, where the events God has in store for me will explode in my face and the wind of His plans revealed will blow in my face.
Mmm hmm I will just wait…and see what the next thing God has in store for me is. His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways higher than mine, so when I feel overwhelmed, I will surrender anew my life to Him, to give over the steering wheel. To say that I’m too tired to control my own life, so I will jump into His river, and go where the Spirit flows.
In His river of my life, to meander along with Him, where the source is right from His throne. To flow into the nations, providing refreshment for thirsty souls, cleansing for dirty souls, renewing for weary souls. My life is not mine, I know for sure this day I am not created for my own purpose. I have been SENT to this earth for a mission – I do not come from here, I am merely a sent one here from above. To this mission I give my all.
What are you here on this earth for?
copied this from an acquaintance. how true. and how blue. how i wish i could jump right back into the drones and frowns of vjc life. of the business of council and drama. of the days i’ve laughed. of the days i’ve cried. of the friends i’ve made. of the hugs i’ve shared.
hahaa. but i guess formal school is officially over. no more complaints about the big Os, big As and CCA and teachers pounding us to finish this n finish that. in an odd sort of way, i miss it.
i’ll be 19 in a few months and i don’t quite feel 19 yet. i don’t want to hit the big twoo-o so soon. sighs. hahaa.
oh and i think my mind is made. for all it is worth. i think God did have a say. so Go GOD! hahaa. 
let the good times roll.
ps: i had strawberrycheesecakeicecream today! (refer to previous post) yummy.
pss: i found my N3230. yayys. and i have a new black-pink wallet double yayy
psss: i am very insecure. i need cousins to be inclusive of me. but can’t say much though. we come from a different culture. different language. different lives. i just want to move on. hahaa. paul. angela. sophia. where are you when i need understanding cousins who share a similar sense of humour? PAUL: COME ONLINE. *growls.
let the good times roll. (:
hahaa. i ran 5 km today and didn’t have any carbos for dinner. so now, chingjoo is hungry.
and since ching joo cannot fulfill her gastronomical desires at the moment, she has resorted to picture surfing for her favourite foods and desserts. so here, a warning to the following hungry, i intend not to provoke you but to satisfy my mental hunger:
1. strawberry cheesecake ice cream. i love cheese cake. i love icecream. so what is there NOT to love when the lovely creators of icecream put two to two together and grant me relieve:
do you see the bits and pieces of the crispy base matched with the lovely cream cheese vanilla-ish main and strawberry puree *YUUMMMMYYYY. hahaa. i had it yesterday and gos.. the favour remains deeply embedded in my memories. i shall go have this tomm! while i burn calories shopping. lovely.
2. vanilla fudge brownie icecream. *OHMIGOSH!!!! hahaa. this is the ultimate chocolate and vanilla combination icecreams ever. ever so often, one is forced to choose between chocolate and vanilla. but i say, put them together and gosh, do they taste sinful. and all in one scoop with all the lovely thngs that make brownie baking so lovely. remind me to bake brownies and share.
the delicious. haish…. haish.. haishss..
3. This is slightly beyond reach. BANJO’S BAKERY @ Tasmania.
hahaa. this bakery makes the BEST ice chocolates EVER and they have the lovely butter shortcake to go with their coffee AND AND! their cookies. ohdears. is food a valid reason to choose tasmania? cos i’m currently very tempted by banjos alone. maybe if i do go there, i will visit the original founder of this bakery and tell him that his bakery was part of the process of decision making. hahaa. then maybe i can consider unsw too. cos of their flowerpot scones. hahaa. edinburgh is disadvantaged because i simply have not been there.
yes. their cookies:
hahahaa. i love their cookies. and the best part is that some times its’ FREE!!! hahaa. love the texture. love the smell. love the taste.
ok. i think i sound obsessive. but if i go to tasmania, i know that when i retire, i want to open up a banjo’s bakery and grow fat. hahaa. since i’m going to die anyway, might as well die a happy person. hahaa.
4. GUMMY BEARS. according to Wikipedia, Gummy Bears are a rubbery-textured confectionery, roughly 2 cm long, shaped in the form of little teddy bears.
how lovely. hahaa. i love it when it’s EXTRA rubbery.the taste lasts in your mouth so much longer. oh and i don’t like the new ideas: gummy worms, hamburgers, pizza whatever! you DON’T TASTE AS GOOD! :p so yeah. the original and the original only. and asia seems to really lack in these. sighs. i need a nice yummy gummybears. and for this i suggest aleura, nsw. they have the flowerpot scones AND a lovely candy shop to boost. hahaa.
okok.i think i’ve tempted you guys enough for 1 night. hahaa. world cup in about an hours time! GO ITALY. maybe i should support france. then italy will win. hahaa. worthy opponents i guess. i hope this will be a good game. hahaa. play fair.
hahaa. so you see, food is essential to one’s mental well-being. hahaa.
-love. gummybears. chocolates. scones.
ps: await sinful indulgences II
me, hazel, yt, hl, peis @ stepdown invest rehearsals
us acting cool after stepdown.
playing carrom on lousy boards in the cr.
painting numerous banners for numerous functions
acting silly in the cr.
hahaa. those truly were the good ole’ days. now the council room as we know it is gone. replacing it is a student lounge that holds no more meaning to any one or anything. very honestly, i would have loved to keep the council room AND the welfare room separate. it’s a safe haven after a hard day’s work or a very digusting scolding from the teachers. it was a place where 21 batches of councillors grew, messed up, tried to tidy up, illegally overnighted, laughed, cried, played through the years. and as disgustingly stuffy it is, it’s still home.
council is pretty screwed up now. no one to blame i guess. just one of the ups and down of vjc sc. the reforms, the changes, the dreams, the idealism of youth. hahaa. i suddenly feel very old
anyways, to ex-councillors who are actually free to google and come across this page. intra council is on 5th Aug @ VJC @ don’t know what time. if you happen to be 1 of them and have yet to be contacted, please leave your email and name @ the comments page. we’ll get back to you asap! click here if you want to know more. hahaa. yeah.
alrights. wc 3rd placing is coming! so i shall march down and support germany. as much as i don’t like them, i think they deserve the placing more than portugual. DDD
ta.
heyy.. hahaa. yeah. physics sucks.
it sucks when i had to study it for exams. it still sucks when i have to review the physics textbook to teach a sec 3 girl how read off a metre rule.
but now, i know why. i never met a physics teacher who could explain the whys to me. everyone and every physics textbook just expects me to accept everything at face-value. to contradict the most of common sense. i dont get it. means i don’t understand the meaning behind a particular sentence.
never again, shall i be forced to touch physics as an exam again. my immense hatred for it will just make my life hell. which is why i am very tempted right now to just accept edinburgh’s offer and fly away to far away scotland and live like a hermit.
hahaa. am wondering about life in general. how on earth do you expect a 18 year old (ME!!!!) make a decision that will affect the rest of my life? or decide on something so huge (ie. my career!!!) sighs.
hahaa. i need to finish up planning for lessons for the poor girl who has me as her physics tutor.
sighs. oh i learnt something new today! i learnt how to read a negative zero error from a vernier calliper! *grinsmeselfsilly.
hahaa. am now preparing notes for her. she better appreciate it man! i don’t even know my salary yet! ;p
hahaa. alrights. i shall be a good teacher and attempt to finish all 4 chapters by tonight.
tommorrow, i become a teacher.
by Tamia
Spinning, twirling, flying away
Memories guide me from yesterday
Time will reveal my destiny
So why should I fight
What’s right for me?Chorus:
I’ll live, I’ll breathe
I’ll dance my dreamsHold me, kiss me
Look through my eyes
Know me, feel me
No more disguise
So why should I fight
What’s planned for me?Chorus
Take my hand
Dance in my world
As I live, I breathe
I dance my dreams
Tomorrow will be mine
Today is ours
I will never let go
Until time unwinds
Today I have just arrived
hahaa. love the lyrics. love the song. it’s the movie “First Daughter” theme song.. hahaa. it sounds really nice.
oh… i got bit by my dog yesterday… hahaa. now i have to go for needles. *pouts. and my right hand is slightly swollen i guess… hahaa. but yeah. i’m not dead if you get the idea.
hahaa. oohh. i found my first tutee! poor her. hahaa. but from what i heard, she’s swamped with tuition, day in and day out. poor thing… hahaa. and she’s only sec 3… imagine when she gets to pre-u… 
hahaa. we’ll see.ohh! italy won the semis! wahahaa. the evil germans leave the game. never liked them, since the 02 wc.. but they played prettty terribly this morning. so yeah.
hahaa. to paul: yes. what happened to your blog? couldnt you have at least give all your blog-readers some idea that you were closing for business.
| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| « Aug | ||||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | |
| 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 |
| 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 |
| 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 |
| 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | |||
